tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
