I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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