worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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