Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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