I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
