I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
