Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
