your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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