this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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