Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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