I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
