I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
