I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
