she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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