If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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