dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
