meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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