Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
