My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
