we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
