I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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