id be glad to
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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