this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
