he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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