Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize