i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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