we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She said her name was "party"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
my liver is dry heaving
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
