I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
