Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
