just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
