Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
