Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
