That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
