when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
