She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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