Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
