remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
