I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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