I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When are your genitals available?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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