the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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