I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He kissed a someone with a penis
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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