He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
