yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
