I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
