Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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