Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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