what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize