I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
