i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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