its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he high fived his dick after we had sex
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
