I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
