my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
