I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
