I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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