I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
