She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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