just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
