i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
