He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
