Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
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