Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
