Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
