Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
