On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
