I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
