you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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