Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
